Braden and I are approaching our 5 year wedding anniversary in January which I honestly can't believe. Life has happened so fast since we met and it's been one adventure after another. Luckily we both LOVE change. He's the best because he never rolls his eyes when I say I want to rearrange a room. He's always down to switch things up whether it's furniture or a huge life change - which is one of my favorite things about him.
Here's a little timeline of our major life changes since we met
August 2015- we met
February 2016- got engaged
September 2016- bought a house together
January 2017- got married
May 2017-got pregnant
February 2018- had our beautiful baby girl Scarlett
May 2019- started building a house
September 2019- sold our old house and moved into an apartment for 3 months until our new house was done
December 2019- moved into our new house
March 2020-global pandemic
Soo as you can see our life together has been jam packed with one life change after another. We fell in love fast and life hasn't slowed down since. And while I would love to tell you everything was always smooth sailing and wonderfully perfect. We've had our fair share of tough days in there.
When people tell you the first year of marriage is the hardest, there is truth in that. I think it's hard because you're learning and adapting so much. You're learning each other and sometimes you find things you didn't know or didn't see before you were married. But, it's all in how you handle that. It takes time to understand what makes your person- your person. And honestly the learning never stops. Learning how they give and receive love. Learning their boundaries. Learning their insecurities. Learning their triggers. Learning their habits. All while you're learning about them you might even learn things they don't even realize about themselves. How we communicate these findings is crucial. Marriage is like looking at yourself in a truth mirror and you may not always love everything you see.
I've been saying recently that Braden and I have hit our stride. But hitting our stride took time. I love him SO SO much- that's never been in question over that last 5 years, I truly believe we are meant to be together. I really feel like we now understand what bothers the other person and how each of us react to it. We don't push those buttons anymore. He is who he is and I don't want to change him. Of course there's things we don't like about each other-that's totally NORMAL. For example, does he like that I sometimes need to take a nap...no but he understands now. Do I like that he falls asleep at 8:3o on the couch while we are watching a show?...no but I understand and I don't give him a hard time about it anymore. There are little things about me that annoy him and vice versa. It's not always butterflies and rainbows, it's naive to believe it's going to be. I recently read a quote that I'll put below that really resonated with me. I think it hits the nail on the head about learning your partner.
I think it's super important to be honest about the reality of marriage and the amount of conscious effort it takes to make it work- day in and day out. Some days, weeks or even months are really hard. And for Braden and I communication is key. Even when it's a difficult conversation, it has to be done. I over communicate in a lot of ways but with some things I can get really quiet and reserved. I've learned I have to open up about everything with him and help him to understand my boundaries and where they come from. Being vulnerable is difficult but we've grown the most when we are vulnerable together and are super honest about how we feel.
Listen- every couple is different and faces different challenges. I'm not pretending to know what makes every marriage work but I think taking the time to figure out HOW to make your relationship work and communicating that to one another is step 1. There isn't a manual that tells you how to get through whatever you're going through. It's not easy- nothing worth it ever is. Change is almost always guaranteed and you're not going to evolve at the exact same time in exactly the same way. But I've learned working through the changes together and learning together can make your relationship stronger than ever.
Thanks for stopping by for my talk tuesday! I honestly could go on and on about this but I tried to briefly share the work it's taken to feel like we get each other. We definitely don't have it all figured out, tough days are always ahead. But for now, I'm enjoying this stage of marriage we are in and celebrating the growth we've had over the last 5 years.
XO- Sarah
